What Was It Like for You?

Dear friends,

What was it like for you the last time someone you love brought up any of the following:

An accident. A challenging moment. Fear. Frustration. Confusion. Getting stuck. Burnout. Losing a loved one. A painful mistake. Being layoff. A breakup. A divorce. A regret. An argument left unresolved.

How did you respond?

I know how I did.

I didn’t do a good job. I was left overwhelmed. The stake was high. I was too eager to help. But I didn’t know how. I knew there shouldn’t be any judgment, solution, or avoidance. But I wasn’t ready. I was caught off guard. I had no idea what I should say. I had no idea what I should do.

Then I paused. I knew moments like these would keep coming back because things would get tough. They always will.

So I changed.

I started focusing on getting better at preparing for these moments. I anticipate them. I know they are coming. And I am ready.

This is what I am going to say by default:

​“What was it like for you?”

One night my wife came home around 11 pm. She spent the night with one of her best friends who didn’t have the best time over the past few years. After my wife settled down, I asked, “What was it like for you?”

She took a long pause. Then she opened up and shared their stories and memories. We chatted for an hour before we went to bed.

This is what we can do for the people we love the most.

We are here to invite them to share their experience. We don’t need to be a judge. We are not an AI that spills out the most logical answers. We are here. We are here as a family. We are here as friends. We are here as humans. That’s exactly what I would need if I am having a hard time.

So, for the things you are dealing with in life, what was it like for you?

Until next time.