3 Lessons on Happiness

Untitled, June Harwood, 1966.

Whenever I start thinking about happiness per se, it feels like I am not getting closer to it. When I think of my happiest moments, those were the times when I was not thinking about happiness at all.

I’ve learned not to ask my kids, “Are you happy?” Instead, I’ll ask, “How do you feel?”

Here are three lessons on happiness this week. It might take us a lifetime to learn the lessons life is trying to teach us.

1. The role of luck.

   One of my best friends is getting married in December. He has never been happier since I met him 17 years ago. He met his fiancée on a flight to Tokyo. They were both flying alone. She was sitting next to him. They started talking. They kept in touch. They started dating. They will become husband and wife in a few months. What exactly is the role of luck in our pursuit of happiness?

2. Happiness is personal.

   Happiness is the willingness to listen to my mom when she has another speech to give. It’s riding the bicycles through the village with my dad who rarely speaks his mind. It’s knowing my friends will always be there for me and I will be there for them. It’s not overthinking about the past or the future. It’s saying sorry to my daughter later at night after I lost control over my emotions with the tiniest things she has done that drove me mad. It’s how aware I am right now as I write these lessons. It’s realizing happiness is within my control. It’s having a sense of connection with the people I care about the most. It’s acknowledging how lucky I am even though I might never know the exact role of luck in my life.

3. Our relationship is the foundation of happiness.

   Thanks to my parents. I can now take a break from caring for my two kids 24/7. I didn’t know how much I needed a break from the role of a primary carer until I had one. From a distance, I can tell my kids are a lot happier. I am a lot happier too. I was too caught up with life in London to remember how simple life can be. I forgot the first principle of happiness is not thinking about happiness in the first place. Salute to my parents. I realize how important our relationship is to how I feel when I step back and zoom out to take a good look at myself. I don’t know where I would be without them. And my deepest gratitude to my wife. She has given me everything that I could have never asked for. The empathy, the love, the resilience, the touch, the joy, the calmness, the guidance, the companionship, the support, the patience, and the forgiveness. There’s nothing else I need.

See you next week.