How to Say No (without hurting others)

and a new chapter.

Prioritize your time, not money.

Time is the only asset we can never get back no matter how hard we try. No amount of money can buy back the second that has just passed. Period.

Understand that time is the only thing that matters. Yes, I want to say yes to my friends when they ask me out. But saying yes means I am saying no to my family. I couldn't be at two places at once. Every time I say yes to one thing, I am making a choice to say no to something else.

Ignore what other people think when you want to say no. Listen to your heart. You’re not hurting someone by saying no. Your friends will still have a wonderful time. Life goes on. But you will regain your space, time, and hopefully, solitude.

By saying no, you free up someone else’s time too. Everyone needs a break. People will thank you later.

Make your priorities clear to your family, friends, and colleagues. Set a boundary. Guard your time with your life. There will always be tradeoffs. Don’t be afraid of missing out on the next best thing. It is inevitable. You couldn't be at two places at once, remember? Acknowledge it. Accept it. Embrace it. Stop trying to please everyone every time. Your time is your priority.

Before you say yes, ask yourself: Why am I doing this? Does it align with my priorities? What am I not doing if I say yes to this thing?

A more intense question: if this is the last day of my life, would I still say yes to this particular thing I am going to do?

Once you have a solid answer, let other people know.

Here’s an example: I would love to say yes and thank you so much for thinking of me. But I have prioritized this weekend for my family. I know they are expecting me to be home with them. Let’s hang out next time.

Rejection doesn’t have to be harsh. Freedom requires discipline. To say no, we are learning how to express our gratitude, empathy, accountability, judgment, love, and courage.

There is no right or wrong answer. There are many ways to say no. Practice, practice, and practice. We will get better as we go along.

Following Rish’s footsteps and inspired by Kwaku’s note, I turned on paid subscription. I needed that push on the back to jump into the pool. I’ve been writing for three years here on Substack. I never had the courage to ask you to pay for my writing. And I’m not asking you to pay. Everything I write is free. This is an experiment to see if those who enjoy reading my work would be willing to pay. If you have someone you care about, consider making this subscription a gift to that particular someone. I’m glad you’re here with me on this journey. Your presence means the world to me.

See you next week.