Kwaku

Being a dad who often struggles with my role and how I can simply be there for my kids, Kwaku makes me feel so much better. His words are sentient yet assuring. He makes me realize it’s okay if we are still on our way to figuring things out in life.

1. Tell us a bit about yourself and what's on top of your mind.

I never know what details of my life are worth mentioning when I receive open-ended questions like this, so I’ll stick to the basics. I’m 31 years old, born and raised in London. I’m married with two children; a 2-year-old son, and another 5-month-old baby boy.

Top of my mind? At the time of responding I have quite a packed few days ahead - a guest appearance on a podcast, visiting some family and also hosting a live show for the podcast I have with my friends at Over The Bridge. So, mainly anticipating those events and how I’ll manage my energy levels as someone who tilts towards the introverted end of the spectrum.

2. ⁠How do you feel at this moment in life?

I’m at an interesting inflection point. I recently started a foundation year in psychotherapy training which in some ways seems like quite a drastic change from my previous work but through a different lens feels like a perfect continuity of my interests. There’s a sense of excitement but also trepidation of entering this unfamiliar terrain; studying; doing deep work into my own inner psyche and connecting with new people. I have the tendency to over-think or project perhaps too far into the future so I’m also feeling quite proud of myself for taking a bold and conscious leap down a path. Besides that, as a father to two young children, there’s also the feeling of perpetual tiredness - but that almost goes without saying.

3. What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned from your parents?

I think the biggest lesson my parents tried to impart to me was the value of education, and whilst I hold on to this, the scope of education that I now see as valuable is much broader than they ever envisioned. Typical of immigrants to the West of a certain generation, excelling academically was this perceived golden ticket to the “good life”. These considerations were often at the expense of fields like sports, the arts, or exploring the natural world; pursuits which I now massively appreciate as foundational to character development and a holistic education for both our physical and emotional aspects. So, I guess I’ve extended the lesson to territory that my parents didn’t originally include in their worldviews, but I suppose that’s the natural evolution of generational change: applying old wisdoms to new contexts.

4. What have you experienced that has changed the way you live?

I often say my first Vipassana meditation retreat when I was 22 was a paradigm shift in how I viewed my identity, the purpose of life, and many of those big existential questions. It was an early step in seeking and sense making, disidentifying myself from some of the social programming I had been swimming in through the education system, my culture, religion etc. and kind of trying to rebuild my principles and values from there.

More materially, becoming a father has shifted how I live dramatically. For one, my priorities have maybe permanently been reconfigured with the “me” side of things taking a massive backseat to my kids and their needs. I’ve quite naturally and also with some intention become softer and more emotionally perceptive than previously. My drive to become a more rounded human being has only grown; more urgently but also with more grace and patience than ever before.

5. ⁠How do you define happiness?

Happiness to me is a steady feeling of contentment with life and the experiences that unfold. It’s having a sense of awe and wonder even with the mundane. It’s being extremely present in your interactions with the world and the people around you. It’s feeling like you’re of value with no conditions. It’s having a sense of connection and guidance from the Divine source. It’s being at peace. It’s being ready to die but not wishing it a moment nearer than its appointed time.

6. Who is your favorite writer, and why?

This is embarrassing to respond to because I haven’t read a decent selection of writings from a particular author to truly consider having a favourite, although I do recall reading a lot of Anthony Horowitz novels as a child. Truthfully, writing for me has always been more like a journal that I string together in a form that at least to my ears feels beautiful and true – I don’t consider my own writing as having been directly influenced by a particular author.

The more I think about it though, my favourite writers have probably always been rappers. A great rapper for me is probably at the apex of poets because they try to convey the same mastery of rhythm, form, flow and substance, with way more structural restrictions than the average writer chooses to adhere to and with the added element of using their voice as an instrument.

With that being said, my favourite is probably a New York rapper I love called Ka. His philosophy when it comes to writing is depth and precision. Every word serves a purpose. There’s no filler. There’s nothing said just for saying’s sake. He’s economical with verbiage so that every line is pregnant with meaning, often multiples, since he often uses double entendres and other devices. I also love his concept albums and how he interweaves one theme through multiple tracks and within one song itself. His album Descendents of Cain is a masterclass.

He found “success” as a rapper in his 40s, which swings in contrast to the youthful display of popular rappers and makes his subject matter and delivery have much more gravitas. Not to mention he did all this whilst holding down a job as a firefighter. He just had an amazing story, humility and authenticity that came across in his music. I could go on more about what made him great but I’ll leave it there. May his soul rest in peace.

7. ⁠Imagine this writer was standing right in front of you and you can ask one question, what would you ask?

Hm. I would ask him what he thought about the practice of writing as a form of therapeutic healing. He processed a lot of his childhood, family and neighbourhood events in his work and I know from my experience how cathartic that can be. I wonder whether he viewed writing as playing that role in his life and what other practices he did.

Since his passing last year, I remember coming across an interview where he said he found self-actualisation through his art form. I guess I’d ask him what that felt like. I think it’s something we’re all looking for but few people make such a bold claim that they’d really done it. That’s wild to me. I believe him though.

This is my first place to go after reading Kwaku’s story.

Check out his podcast with two of his friends who met at Cambridge.

It’s embarrassing to say, but I just fell in love with how Kwaku writes and expresses himself. Here’s his first essay that I read. It reminds me of the time living in London with our kids. What would happen to them if we had stayed?

Academic Privilege and the 2nd Generation Immigrant Experience

Up next, JK.